Stay-at-Home Dads And The Ongoing Quest For Household Equity
Is The Care Burden Really Shared?
Welcome to The Care Gap This Week!
If you have been following on my personal Instagram page, you will notice I’ve been speaking lately to men, and we are gaining some traction there. But something caught my interest, a few of my female friends are sharing with me that their partners are becoming the lead parent at home. And I started to think more and more about what that means for their care load in and outside of the home. So let's take a moment to dive into the often-overlooked dynamics of household management and domestic work when dad becomes a lead parent. Even as more dads stay at home or work remotely, it seems that women still carry the mental load of keeping the household running smoothly. This issue resonates with many of us, especially professional women juggling career and family.
TLDR:
Increasing Stay-at-Home Dads: While more fathers are becoming stay-at-home parents, women still predominantly handle household responsibilities.
Persistent Gender Roles: Despite shifts in who stays at home, societal norms still dictate that women manage the majority of household tasks.
Mental Load: Women continue to carry the mental load of household management, influenced by societal expectations.
Leisure Time Disparity: Employed mothers have less leisure time compared to fathers, even when fathers are the primary caregivers.
Future Steps: Addressing these inequalities requires open dialogue and shared responsibilities in household tasks.
Stay-at-Home Dads- Is This Really A Thing?
Recent data indicates a significant rise in the number of stay-at-home dads. According to Pew Research, nearly 1 in 5 stay-at-home parents are fathers. However, despite this shift, the division of domestic labor remains uneven. Even as more dads take on caregiving roles, the mental load and responsibility for household management often still fall on women. This research did not consider contexts such as dads who work remotely, run a business from the house, independent contracting and various online side hustles. The point is men today have more career flexibility but how does this increased flexibility reflect in their household?
From 1989 to 2021, the proportion of stay-at-home fathers rose from 4% to 7%, while the proportion of stay-at-home mothers slightly decreased from 28% to 26%. This change, while significant, has not led to a complete shift in household dynamics. Many stay-at-home fathers report a "domestic handoff" where their partners take over household tasks during evenings and weekends, reinforcing the traditional view of caregiving roles.
The Mental Load of Household Management
Research by Latshaw and Hale shows that, despite increased participation by men in childcare, women often still manage the overall household tasks. This phenomenon is driven by societal expectations and the internalization of caregiving roles. Women frequently maintain control over household activities, balancing professional and domestic responsibilities.
Gendered Leisure Time
A significant disparity exists in leisure time between men and women. Employed mothers generally have less leisure time than their male counterparts, and their leisure is often spent multitasking with household chores. This inequality is prevalent even in households where fathers are the primary caregivers, highlighting the deep-rooted societal norms around gender roles.
"Doing" and "Undoing" Gender
Latshaw and S.I. Hale introduced the concept of "doing" and "undoing" gender. While some fathers "undo'' traditional roles by taking on caregiving duties, they often revert to conventional behaviors during evenings and weekends. This duality illustrates the ongoing struggle to redefine gender roles in modern family structures.
At the start of the pandemic, many of us witnessed a temporary shift as lockdowns forced both parents to participate more equally in household tasks. This significantly reduced the care load on women. However, as routines returned to pre-pandemic norms, so too did the imbalance. Despite the flexibility of work schedules for dads, women are still juggling the majority of household responsibilities. Men tend to have an "on and off switch" for caregiving, enjoying the luxury of turning off the care clock at certain times in the course of their day, a privilege less often afforded to women.
Implications for Women
For women, these findings underscore the importance of advocating for an equitable distribution of domestic responsibilities. As more women become primary or co-breadwinners, renegotiating household dynamics becomes even more crucial. Encouraging open discussions with partners about sharing the mental load and domestic tasks can pave the way for a more balanced and fulfilling family life.
Moving Forward
Closing the care gap requires collective effort and societal change. By acknowledging and addressing the persistent inequalities in household management, we can move towards a more equitable division of labor. Let’s continue supporting each other in these conversations and work towards a future where domestic responsibilities are shared more equally, regardless of gender.
Here are a few steps we can take to move forward:
1. Open Dialogue: Have honest conversations with your partner about the division of household responsibilities and mental load. Utilize a counselor or therapist to lead this conversation. Create multiple avenues to freely talk about this issue e.g watch movies, shows, play games, listen to podcasts and music that challenge gender norms and not reinforce them. Be patient in your expectation for change but don’t be silent. Very rarely will a person instantly change a behavior that benefits them.
2. Shared Schedules: Create a shared family calendar to keep track of all tasks and responsibilities, ensuring both partners are aware and involved. Move beyond tasks, share the mental load. “Honey, I was thinking about what activities to enroll the children in for the holiday, please share the ideas you have on this” Don’t carry the thought process alone, even if they do not make meaningful suggestions, continue to share the thought load with your partner.
3. Equal Leisure Time: Ensure that both partners have equal and quality leisure time, free from household duties. Plan for your leisure, don’t leave it up to chance.
4. Create a Working System: Create a system for routines e.g checklists for getting the children ready, reminder at the front door for important items like school bag, lunch, homework etc. This gives your partner an opportunity to participate without excuses and any other household worker to be able to assist you effectively.
By implementing these strategies, we can make strides towards closing the care gap and creating a more equitable home environment for everyone.
Additional Research On Stay-At-Home Dads
Division of Labor and Gender Dynamics:
Studies indicate that men who earn less than their wives tend to do less housework even when both partners are working. This contrasts with lead-parent mothers who are typically in charge of both childcare and household chores, irrespective of their employment status. However, stay-at-home dads do not consistently assume comprehensive responsibility for the domestic sphere to the same extent as their female counterparts. They tend to see themselves as the primary parent only during the hours their partner is at work (Institute for Family Studies) (Harvard Gazette).
Challenges and Perceptions:
Many fathers report that they share the load equally with their partners, but mothers often report doing more. This discrepancy can be attributed to the "invisible" aspects of household management, such as planning and coordinating activities, which are often overlooked by fathers (Harvard Gazette). Additionally, traditional stereotypes and societal expectations continue to influence perceptions and behaviors within households, despite the growing number of stay-at-home dads (Two of Us).
Impact of Economic and Educational Factors:
Economic conditions and educational attainment levels play significant roles in the decision-making process for stay-at-home parenting. With more women achieving higher education levels and entering the workforce, some families opt for fathers to take on the primary caregiving role. This shift can be partly due to job market fluctuations and the high cost of childcare (The Journalist's Resource) (Two of Us).
Support and Satisfaction:
Stay-at-home dads often face isolation and lack support networks compared to stay-at-home mothers. Despite these challenges, working mothers tend to give high marks to modern fathers for their involvement in parenting, more so than other men do (Two of Us). Ensuring clear communication and equitable sharing of household responsibilities can help maintain relationship satisfaction and balance (Pew Research Center) (Two of Us).
Global Care Memo
USA: Melinda French Gates Donates $1BN In Support Of Women & Families: Philantropist says its frustrating that some people believe it is not the right time to discuss gender equality.
Australia: Australian government announces $630 million funding boost for aged care sector. The Australian government has announced a $630 million funding boost for the aged care sector to improve services and support for older Australians.
Asia: As society ages, Japan faces challenge in helping vulnerable people in disasters. How can we support the lives of elderly evacuees in disaster-affected areas? This is a challenge that Japan faces as a whole as its population ages.
Upcoming Events
We are dedicated to closing the care gap in the workplace and society, and we recognize the pivotal role of effective parental leave policies in nurturing a supportive workplace culture.
Join us and our partner LUMO, for an enlightening event where we explore the journey of employees from taking parental leave to assuming leadership roles within organizations. In this dynamic session, we'll delve into actionable strategies for retaining top talent and providing comprehensive support to managers throughout the parental leave process.
Our expert speakers ( Blessing Oyeleye Adesiyan Elena Arecco Bridgmon, MBA, PCC Sarah Bernier Olin, PCC ) will share insights on how organizations can create an inclusive environment that fosters professional growth and empowers employees to thrive both personally and professionally. Join us as we embark on a journey from leave to leadership, where every employee has the opportunity to succeed and contribute meaningfully to organizational growth and innovation.
The Care Gap is written by Blessing Adesiyan, Founder & CEO of Caring Bloc, the holding co. for The Care Gap, Caring Africa, and Caring Blocks where she is on a mission to close the care gap for women, families, and economies through content, advocacy, and technology. Follow @blessing.adesiyan @caringbloc for more.